chief

O.O

Mon, 10 Mar 2008 21:02:25 GMT

Courtney
Congratulations!
I am pleased to inform you that your poem:
My Empty Wall of Acomplishments

will appear in the 2008 L I Sounds Anthology.
If your work has been published elsewhere please inform us,
so we can give proper credit to that publication.
Again, congratulations!

Tammy Nuzzo-Morgan
Editor-In Chief

holy crap

Dionysos help me

Fri, 07 Mar 2008 02:55:14 GMT

I didn't have my panic at all during the play, maybe for a second or two but nothing lasting at all. I think my therapist made me crash (the feeling you get after a play is finished) before I ever got the high of the play. I miss my high, i miss that feeling you get, your heart pounds, you gasp for breath, your senses peak. i didn't feel it at all tonight, this is really killing me, for once in my life I don't want to do it again. ~~I DON'T WANT TO GO BACK ON A STAGE!!!!!!!~~ this is really killing me, i'm so.....disapointed? upset? i feel like there's a giant hole in my chest. this is really killing me, i need that panic back, i don't know if i should be mad at glenda or not, logically i shouldn't but i feel like emotionally i need to blame someone. i'm terrified i'll never feel my panic again, i don't care how good i am, the panic makes it worth it.

3 poems i wrote while thinking about mel

Thu, 06 Dec 2007 16:43:19 GMT

(Untitled, Indecision, Undecided? I can't pick a title, suggestions?)

Afraid to move,
Afraid to stay still.
Afraid to speak,
Afraid to stay slient.
Afraid to say "I love you",
Afraid you'll never know

(should i love you be in quotes?)

(no idea for a title, someone suggested using the first line over again)

I want to know who you are
Beneath the layers of anger and hate
behind the 6-foot wall that hides your emotions
I want to see how you really feel
About you, about me, about life
and I just want you to know
If you go,
I'm going with you.

(should the last two lines stay like that or go into the same line)

Too close (yay! a title)

You're too close to my heart
For me to pul the threads of your life
and string them along in a dance
of metaphores and similies.

You're too close to my mind
For me to pull out your memories
And create a picture
for anyone to see.

You're too close to my eyes
For me to see anything
But the true you
That you try to hide from the world.

You're just too close,
And I love it that way.

as usual comments and critisism is appriciated

anyone?

Mon, 05 Nov 2007 21:44:30 GMT

1. One secret.
2. One compliment.
3. One non-compliment.
4. One love note, but it does not have to be for me.
5. Lyrics to a song.
6. How old you are.
7. How long we've been friends.
8. And a hint to who you are.
9. After you do it for me, put it in your LJ and see who does it for you.

Sat, 27 Oct 2007 00:54:02 GMT

my grandfather is in the hospital, i don't want sympathy, i don't want consolation, i just need to get it out there.

last post for a while

Wed, 24 Oct 2007 01:24:12 GMT

yea, so i really won't be posting for a while, i gotta sort a bunch of shit out so if i post it will be a private post. i will keep checking here and comenting so yea, that's it i really don't know how many people will actually care but that's ok, so yea, don't expect anything new for a while

poetry at 1 am

Sun, 07 Oct 2007 05:01:34 GMT

for anyone who laid awake nights dreaming,
for anyone who had drifted into the world of fantasy,
for anyone who sees books in living color,
for anyone who has reached out and touched the moon,
for anyone who has lost yourself in their room,
for anyone who has danced in the rain,
for all you dreamers,
for all you wishers,
live on, the world needs more people like you

wow, that came out worse than i thought, although it is 1 in the morning, comments?

poems

Thu, 27 Sep 2007 01:21:46 GMT

#1 On Stage
Five minutes to curtain,
Panic sets in.
You're onstage first.
Nothing is real,
Sitting frozen in place,
Heart racing, pulse pounding,
You're not ready,
You don't know what you're doing.
Lights,
Bright stage lights hide the crowd,
It's starting,
You can't breath,
Your cue
You speak as a reaction,
You're no longer you,
But someone else.
Words flow, movements flow,
Everything flows smoothly.
And then it's done,
And all you wish,
Is to do it again.

#2 Happiness

Joy fills your every cell,
You fill like you can fly,
Over the clouds, past the stars,
Beyond the mood.

Golden rays radiate from your ecstatic smile,
You light up the world,
Brighter than a moonlit night,
Brighter than the sun.

Your confidence rolls off you in waves,
You are the bravest in the world,
Braver than a lion or a tiger,
Fiercer than the sea.

One day your ecstacy will fade,
Until they you stay,
Joyful, confident, bright,
And that stays with you forever.

#3 Dancing in the leaves

Slowly trudging home from school, my head buzzing with thoughts, I paused.
My backpack was slowly pulling me down and making my back damp with sweat.
I lowered it to the ground realizing just how much it had been slowing me down.
As I looked up the wind caught my hair, gently combing it back with soft fingers and making the leaves rustle gently.
Looking around I saw leaves of all colors,
Colors ranging from blood red and soft glowing ember, to some still green from spring just past.
I took in a deep breath, feeling the cool air rush down to my lungs.
Picking up a leaf I felt it's rough surface,
I twirled it feeling it's cool, hard stem,
I let it slowly drift to the ground.
I spun around and around, taking it all in until i fell to to the ground in a pile of ruby red and sunshine yellow.
And yet, all good things must come to an end, but for now I was content,
Just dancing in the leaves.

please let me know which you like best : ) thanks

BOOTS

Wed, 26 Sep 2007 20:56:16 GMT

the boots arrived today, and they don't fit, i've been waiting for these for a week and they look even better in person but they don't fit, it really sucks i was so hyped for these boots and now they don't fit. this is really crushing, i was so looking forward to them, *sigh* i don't know what i'm going to do for boots now i'll try again later with pantyhose on, mabye that'll help but i tend to doubt it, fuck.

Thu, 13 Sep 2007 22:01:42 GMT

ROCKY HORROR IS PLAYING THIS WEEKEND AND I'M STUCK IN MASS.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (star wars no) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

seriously not cool man, not cool, i didn't even want to come on this stupid vacation, I really wanted to stay home god damn parents wouldn't let me stay home, if they did i could have let someone kidnap me and gone LAME!!!!! the hotel is pretty sick though
GIANT CHESS BOARD!!!! i miss the ren fest oh well at least i can usually chill in the hotel

Tue, 11 Sep 2007 22:28:23 GMT

i can't believe it, i still have a crush on her and now someone else is pissing me off, fuck, i hate it when shit like this happens, i don't want to stop the friendship but he just keeps pissing me off. i really don't want to hurt him but every time i see him i just get this utter sence of revoultion. i just don't know what i'm going to do

Fri, 31 Aug 2007 02:03:24 GMT

i have a key that broke on the keyboard. it's the key to say .co fuck. this really sucks. it's really hard to type in addresses. fucking hell.

omg i'm lame

Sun, 19 Aug 2007 23:00:00 GMT

omg, i now have a gold chocobo, you know you're jealous, nuff said

god damnit

Sun, 19 Aug 2007 17:38:32 GMT

first i can't go to cool beans last week cuz the endoscapy thing got fucked up and now i can't go this week cuz i have an allergy test where they stick a bunch of crap on my back for two days, now tues night wed and thurs morn, i can't do ANYTHING i mean it i'm not allowed to sweat >.< god damn shitty crap. an i really wanna go, at least dan can still come over, i'd probably have lost it allready and screamed at my mom if dan wasn't there, i love you dan *kiss* SHUT UP IT'S NOT GROSS*, i know i'm just bitching but fuck, i don't want to stay home for like three days with my mother, she's gonna tell me i can't do anything and then when i ask her to do something for me (cuz i'm not supposed to do anything) she'll say well can't you do it, mabye i should just say ummmmm no i cant, i'm not allowed to sweat, fugging himler, lol, only em will get that, speaking of em how was your trip and i need to borrow the nail polish i gave you to show the allergy person i called you but you weren't home, so if you read this and you haven't talked to me give me a call. yea, still sucks that i have to spend three days staring at the tv, i really don't want to do that, i know i'm bitching but still.

Mon, 13 Aug 2007 16:07:36 GMT

can someone tell me emily's livejournal?

shit

Mon, 13 Aug 2007 16:03:48 GMT

shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit

i have to go to the hospital for and endoscapy scope and they're going to knock me out i am freaking out so much the last time i was in the hospital it was because i was going to kill my slelf, i am going to have a panic attack in the hospital i know it

shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit

I know what it's like

Wed, 08 Aug 2007 02:54:45 GMT

I know what it's like.
To be 5 pounds heavier,
or 10,
or 20.
I know what it's like.
To be that fat chick,
that ugly chick.
But I'm fat, not deaf.
I know what it's like.
I hear you talking behind my back,
the snide remarks,
the hilarious jokes.
I know what it's like.
To be left out,
Laughed at,
Because of how I look.
I know what it's like.

pics from italy

Sun, 05 Aug 2007 04:30:24 GMT

Photobucket Album

Sun, 05 Aug 2007 03:40:11 GMT

cheiftheatergeek (11:28:31 PM): i'm sorry but i have to tell you something

cheiftheatergeek (11:28:55 PM): you are such a god damned pain in the ass, i'm glad i will never have to see you again

DrunknGunbunny signed off at 11:29:17 PM.

DrunknGunbunny signed on at 11:31:25 PM.

DrunknGunbunny (11:31:39 PM): I TRIED for you, you know. I really did. But you betrayed my trust on my fucking graduation day, and then expected everything to be okay after that? You KNEW me, Courtney, and I know you're going to get this message when you sign back on. I worked at our friendship until you decided to pull that.

DrunknGunbunny (11:31:59 PM): But even I have my breaking point. And I'm sorry that it had to be you who crossed the line, but you did.

cheiftheatergeek (11:32:02 PM): fuck you i never did a damn thing to you

cheiftheatergeek (11:32:09 PM): and i dont' give a damn what you say

DrunknGunbunny (11:32:57 PM): Yeah...you IM me for a fucking suicide hotline and then tell me I'm a bitch? Bullshit.

cheiftheatergeek (11:32:56 PM): you don't get it i finally realized, I DON'T NEED YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!

DrunknGunbunny (11:33:03 PM): GOOD

DrunknGunbunny (11:33:16 PM): You shouldn't have needed me in the first place.

cheiftheatergeek (11:33:19 PM): you actually are trying to make me feel guilty for this and it's kind of funny

DrunknGunbunny (11:33:28 PM): No, I'm letting out what I feel.

DrunknGunbunny (11:33:34 PM): There's a fucking difference.

cheiftheatergeek (11:33:50 PM): and i don't care how you feel, for once because of all the shit you put me through i don't give a rats ass how you feel

DrunknGunbunny (11:34:30 PM): ...I can only say that some day you grow up. But since you won't listen to that, have a nice night, and thank you so goddamn much for talking to me.

DrunknGunbunny (11:34:42 PM): *you'll grow

DrunknGunbunny (11:34:46 PM): Bye now.

cheiftheatergeek (11:34:46 PM): any time

i think being suicidal makes me more daring, i've been wanting to do that for a long time

first

Fri, 20 Jul 2007 02:25:18 GMT

So I guess this is my first live-journal entry, it won't be much considering it's getting close to 10:30 and I still have to clean my room. I don't know how much I'll actually post here I'll try to update it often but we'll see. I miss my Dan a lot I was gone for three weeks and I only got to call him once. Good news is i get to see him tomorrow. I'm still kind of out of it, I had a bad relapse while I was away but I lied to my therapist when I talked to her and said I was fine. I still feel guilty about it. That's how I lost all the other therapists I started saying everything was just fine, then I'd end up in the hospital. >.< I don't want to go there again, everything always gets worse at night, it sucks. Oh well, I'll get everything out another day. I think I'm done for the night.