Friends

I wish I could believe in God.

I was born so sick, and basically lived in the hospital for the first three years of my life. I was born physically disabled, and I've been struggling with various other conditions for my entire life, and always will.

I see more doctors than any ten people should ever have to in their entire life. I've spend more weeks in a hospital than any twenty people should ever have to in their entire life. So many surgeries, so many meds...

I wasn't supposed to survive my first night of life. And then I wasn't supposed to survive my first month. Then first six month, a year, two years...

I'm seventeen now. The doctors don't know how I've survived this long. But, because I'm so stable now, they're assuming I'll live a semi normal length life. They don't know how I've made it this far. Even steadfast atheist doctors can't explain how modern medicine has brought me this far. They admit that I am a miracle.

My life has both inspired and restored faith that there is a God in many, many people who have come to know me.

I've tried so hard, but I just can't believe. It doesn't seem logical to me.
I feel so guilty and selfish for not being able to believe in God.
I wish I could, but I just can't, and I'm so sorry.

Okay, so I have a question for all the girls who have come out to their friends, but first I should probably give you some background.

So my friends and I all are really close with each other. We're comfortable with sitting on each other's laps, sharing beds, hugs and just all around close contact. I think they're all really hot, but I think of them as friends and don't think of them physically or romantically.  I haven't come out to them yet and I was wondering if anyone who came out to their friends if they were more....how do I put it? Standoffish around you. Awkward about hugs and stuff like that after they found out. I hope I worded that clearly enough. Any help or advice would be welcome.

lol i haven't had any internet access at home since Friday & I came to the library to use their free internet services. only that i'm kind of embarrassed to check my myspace. i know that no one is even really paying attention, but still... =p

Being as I am a budding wiccan, and also a growing teen, I've been thinking more and more about what I believe, what makes me spiritual, etc.

Recently I spoke to a friend about my meditation techniques--I meditate with music, almost always Techno-trance--and he told me that he'd always gotten the sense that I have found more spirituality in dark rooms and bright moniters.

It's true. I find using technology can be as intensely spiritual for me as a traditional ritual for others. Perhaps more so. I find a thrill and a sense of peace on a level I have not attained practicing 'orthodox' wicca in envisioning glowing metropolises and new inventions and science.

All I've found online when researching Cyber-paganism are neo-wiccans who practice online because they don't have access to a coven, or circle.

I wondered what all you your takes are on Cyber-paganism, and where I could find more information on it?

HA! HA!

And I say again...HA!!!

OKAY So we all know about my ex, who is a great bitch. If not, here's the scenario.

I dated one of my best friends (stupid me) who I know wasnt even bi., and she broke up with me (so she thinks. we broke up mutually. although tats an excuse. whatever) because she felt nothing else for me other than friendship. Duh, I knew that. but LATER...like a few months later..she mentioned to me (not in these words, but I got the hint) that she really broke up with me because there was a CHANCE that this guy was interested in her.

WELL, she's been going around for the last few months claiming that this guy was her boyfriend and every time she was over at my house she texted him and talked about him ALL the time and flaunted him in front of me. (I know he was actually real, because I saw him at the mall with her).

WELL here's my news: he was never actually her boyfriend. HA!!! He was just playing around with her. Cuz, seriously, on his myspace, he has a BILLION friends on there, and theyre all girls. Duh, you'd think she would get it before now.

But now she's all depressed, and at first I was sympathetic, because I obviously know how it feels to be played (hello, she did it to me.) but you know...I DONT CARE ANYMORE!!!

That's what you call karma. Ah...it is now my best friend.

Hm.

Makes you feel all cuddly inside dont it?

*waves* Hullo all. New bondage slut here. I'm female I've got a thing for bondage (especially ropes. well, and collars.), a masochistic streak, and am generally into power exchange. My (male) partner has especial affection for ears and nipples, as well as just making me whimper. We're in a mostly non-sexual casual BDSM relationship, and it's fun as hell.

( hooray for surveys. )

 Hiya everyone, Im new to this communitiy and to the whole livejournal thing so sorry if I can't put this here or whatever. Feel free to take it down if I can't.

So umm a bit about me first. I'm 15, I think I'm a lesbian and have definitely not came out of the closet yet. My parents and my brother are really really really really homophobic, I have absolute no idea what they would do if I ever told them I prefer girls. I live in England and go to an all-girls secondary school (I think thats the same as 'high school' in America). Although all-girls schools are stereotypically full of lesbians, my school really isn't.

Okay now all that background stuff is out of the way, I can really start with my story. Well here goes...

There is a girl in my class that I like, lets just call her CC. So umm, CC and I are friends but not anything particularly special.
Everyone always jokes about pretending to be lesbians but its all just for fun and they're not serious at all. Once I kinda half-joked to 3 of my mates (including CC) and said what would they do if I said I was a lesbian, the other two had replied positively saying they would be supportive and everything but CC didn't say anything. She looked like she was really uncomfortable talking about it and I didn't question her or anything.

So, she usually treats me as normal friends - at school we chat and stuff, after school, we talk on msn and she might text me sometimes. 1 of our other friends - lets call her F - call us 'the Love Birds' because we are always flirting. She doesn't deny it and says stuff like, "Great F, you just gave away my discreet ways of trying to seduce her" and F just takes it we're joking. We've done stuff like feeding each other, holding hands, sitting on each other's laps, leaning into each other, head resting on shoulders and hugging.

So really what I'm trying to ask you guys is: am I seeing all these 'signs' completely wrong? Is she really trying to say something to me or is she just doing what all friends do? I wanna talk to her but have no idea how. And before I do, I want to someone else's opinions on this before I embarass myself or even worse, ruin our friendship. Please talk to me - no matter bad or good or wanting some more information on my "situation" or maybe just share you're own story with me. I really do appreciate the help, cheers.

kissfisst, this one's for you: the apocalypse doesn't have to be lonely

So, most of my really close friends [excluding those from church] know that I'm bisexual. I haven't had a girlfriend in over two years though, mostly due to the fact it's hard to date a girl who will understand that I don't like defending myself, especially since I'm a known Christian. 
I'm still bi and my boyfriend is fine with it, as long as I don't get a girlfriend while we're together.
I hate not having a girl in my life and I'm not sure how to go about changing my lifestyle so I can get one. 

I'm not being a coward. I just hate fighting and dealing with controversy because I've been fighting it my whole life.

hey everyone, i just started to intern at a paper in NYC called Show Business Weekly. I've been auditioning for commercials and TV since I was litte, but I'd never heard of this paper. It's actually realy cool and they have a lot of open calls listed in NYC. The website is http://www.showbusinessweekly.com if you want to check out some of the listings. -- Sarah